NOTEBOOK

Sunday, December 15th
10:12 PM

Song of the right now: I Wanna Be A Machine - The Living Tombstone

make me useful make me good make me worth existing

these days I wish I could carve out my emotions from my chest and seal them away in a bottle and cry tears of wax onto the lid and bury them under my bed next to the unfinished homework assignments and piles of soda cans or maybe drive back home to san francisco and cast them out to the sea

I need someone to rewrite my code. hack into my brain and fix the adhd glitch so I can finally be good.

I haven't coded in a while. the neocities interface looks unfamiliar now

sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be anything more than the living embodiment of failure and disappointment. I remember when my whole entire thing was that I was gonna be a writer. now I barely touch the fic I started in fucking February. originally it mentioned Ember running down a hallway at some point. I wasn't even sick when I started it, that's how long I've been sitting on this stupid thing that I'm always too lazy to work on. and now I'll just start even more projects that I never finish. more reasons as to why I'm an awful excuse for a person

Monday, October 7th
6:05 PM

Song of the right now: Misfit - High Dive Heart

once upon a time there was a monkey named ember watson and he was loud and sick and annoying and weird and he got angry sometimes and his friends had to wait for him every time they did something together. and one day they all went to the arcade instead of playing laser tag cause ember couldn't run. and ember said sorry over and over and over again but his friends had even more fun there cause he was able to be there too. and the girl of his dreams would carry him home when he was too tired to walk. and among them he didn't feel like a freak anymore. and he apologized all the time but they still loved him so much. not in spite of him being disabled, but with it, just like every other part of him. he was one of them and nothing would change that. nothing.

once upon a time there was a guy and he was just like me and his friends didn't want him any other way

Sunday, October 6th
5:18 AM

Song of the right now: Swirl - Waterflame

spent all night coding again ,,, i Love how the gallery page looks. its so cool. i had no idea where to use the banana spin gif or the shark plush gif but theyre perfect here. GO LOOK AT IT!!!!

Saturday, October 5th
2:35 AM

Song of the right now: Sky Is Not Blue - Lemon Demon

pat fusty is so underrated. he's such a sweetheart why does no one else like this monkey

as much as i traumatize the other heroes in my bloons lore, i cannot and never will hurt pat

Thursday, October 3rd
11:07 PM

Song of the right now: CORE - Toby Fox, because it is a banger and I am listening to it while coding. Undertale had such great music.

Yay, they removed that weird predictive text thing... Maybe it's just the autism, but that was bothering me a lot. I type so fast that it was pretty much flashing in my face, since it changed with each letter and I type at about 70 WPM tops. ._.

Anyways, enough complaining. I'm going to try and finish Bramble's page tonight, or at least get some progress done on it. He doesn't have as much lore compared to the other main characters, so it should be easy. (edit: I didn't, instead i made a 404 page and then proceeded to fall asleep immediately)

Tuesday, October 1st, 2024
2:32 PM

Song of the right now: Unhealthy - Small Crush

Got this page set up just now. Thought it'd only be fair, now that I'm trying to leave social media. I haven't updated the site in a million bajillion years, but now that I've got a few days off between leaving my old school and starting my new one (yay, that place is most of the reason I got this burnt out and fucked up in the first place), I've been doing quite a bit around here. Not the things I actually need to do, like the Gallery page or finishing the 15 OC pages I need to do, but whatever I've been feeling like doing. I guess that's how you get out of burnout.

I've made a pawful or so of userboxes, too. They're fun. Dude, for some reason I get really annoyed when I see those ones that look nothing like the original userboxes. Like. You don't have to restrict yourself to making them look exactly like the ones on Wikipedia, do whatever you want forever, but if it doesn't even LOOK like a userbox, if it's nowhere close to the original format, can you even call it a userbox? I'm sorry, it just angers me for no reason. I know, I'm being petty here, but they should at least remotely resemble them, right? ...Okay, I'll stop.

I don't have the energy to give a fuck about Halloween right now. I'm debating not even doing a costume this year. My plan was to make a really cool-looking, even if not completely accurate, Druid cosplay. But the people at the craft store gave me the wrong kind of air-dry clay, and instead of being foamy and light, the mask I made cracked. And it's kind of just. Making me want to give up already. Who's gonna know or care what my costume's supposed to be? Yeah, everyone knows what Bloons is, but it feels like I'm one of like 50 people who likes it this much or cares about anything relating to it besides "haha funny monke pop balloon". It feels wrong not to do anything for Halloween, but I genuinely can't make myself care about it right now. Hopefully I won't feel this dead by the end of October.

also the fact that Millie and Rosalin are gen alpha 2014 babies because blah blah future au is making me T_T

7:47 PM

WHAT DID THEY DO TO THE THEMES!!! WHY IS IT ALL ORANGE AND BLUE!!! I WANT MY COLORS BACK

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GET OUT OF MY FACE!! im trying to type and every single word this STUPID menu pops up its like autocorrect but a million times more invasive and it lags my computer with every time it pops up bc i have 4gb ram .

why did they have to change it out of nowhere. How do you turn this off